Laura Walters LIFE

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THEN COMES MORE PERSONALITIES January 29, 2011

Filed under: Then Comes More Personalities — laurawalters20 @ 7:49 am

Families are like fudge——-mostly sweet with a few nuts.  This was a funny saying that I wanted to share with you.

Well, we have covered our own personal personality, our friends’ personalities, our spouse’s personality and now what about adding to our household with other little people.  When you bring those little people home from the hospital there is no manual that they give you.  Every child is different and has their own unique, God given personalities.  I love that God blessed Kirk and I with two wonderful, unique children.  They are truly God’s gift to us!   It truly keeps our life adventurous and exciting!  I have shared in my blog about experiences with my children.  Some might ask, why do I share those experiences with others?  Well, some people need to hear that they are not the only ones experiencing those things and if I can help someone from making stupid mistakes that I have made then I want to help.

As we watch our children grow, each season of their life is a learning experience.  I loved when my children were babies, those moments of just holding them in my arms was priceless.  We didn’t have to chase them and they couldn’t talk back.  But I also loved the terrific toddler stage too.  This is when you begin to see their personality a little more and they are exploring even more.  Then they began school.  Let me just share that on the first day that Bradley went to school I was a basket case.  I cried all day, thinking this was my first child’s first day and he is growing up.  Then Lauren went to school and Kirk took the day off to be with me on her first day.  I cried all day then too, knowing this was our baby girl….our last child that we were sending to school and they were growing up so fast.  Now Bradley will be a teenager in two months and is now in Middle School and Lauren is in 5th grade and will be in Middle School very soon.  I realize they are growing and there is absolutely nothing I can do but enjoy each season and stage of their life.  I love this stage as much as I did when they were babies, toddlers and just beginning school.  Through the years I have watched them grow and can truly say that because their personalities are different I could not react the same way to certain situations because they were two different people, with different personalities.  Both our children have strong, outgoing personalities but they are both different.  Lauren loves to be on the stage in front of people.  Bradley would rather hang out with everybody but not on stage.  They both love to talk and tell stories but are very different in telling a story.

As parents it is important that we realize our children’s personality is not the same and be sensitive to how God has made them.  And be very careful not to compare your children to other children especially their siblings.  Once you know what type of personality your child has then it will help you raise your child as they grow.  A book that I have already mentioned in a recent blog is “Personality Plus for Parents” by Florence Littauer.  This book was so interesting to Kirk and I.  Lauren was about 4 years old and Bradley was about 6 years old when we got this book to discover their personalities.  It was amazing how they showed each stage of life and what to expect during those ages.  So far the book has been right on target.

I know some of you reading my blog have already been through these stages of LIFE with your children.  If so, be an encouragement to others walking through it.  I look forward to the next stage of my children’s life.  I am a mom walking through life still learning from my mistakes as I go, doing the best I can for my family, making memories to cherish and making the best of every moment.  Although I know my kids will be driving soon, High School is coming, dating is ahead, they will get married one day and I will have grandkids to enjoy…..I still have so much of LIFE to look forward to.  I’m not rushing it, at all, I’m just taking it a day at a time!  I am truly a blessed woman!

* When I started my blog I began from when Kirk and I got married and told the story of how God has brought us to where we are.  If you go back to the beginning of my blog you will see how God’s hand has guided us through good and bad times.  I also share in my blog how God brought my family through my battle with breast cancer.  To God be the Glory!

SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.


 

TWO PERSONALITIES COME TOGETHER January 26, 2011

Filed under: TWO PERSONALITIES COME TOGETHER — laurawalters20 @ 2:49 pm

If you are married, did you just see a person on the street and say, that’s who I am going to marry?  Or did you spend time learning their personality and building trust (relationship) with them.  Well, let’s hope you at least got to know them a little before you decided to spend the rest of your life with them.

As I look back when Kirk and I first got married we were two people coming together with two different personalities.  We had only spent a few hours during the week together and now spending every moment of every day together.  Wow, it was nice to see the glamour side of it….seeing the good side of each other those few hours.  Now, two personalities come together under one roof and sharing everything together.  How does it work?  Well, the first year is getting to know your spouse and they call this the “honeymoon time”. Even though you dated/courted for years, months, weeks you really didn’t know how living in the same house was going to be.  Ladies like to fantasize about what their marriage will be like……some fairy tale like Cinderella at the ball.  Guys are just wondering how the finances are going to work.  Really, take a second and think about before you got married, if you are married.  What did you dream it would be?  Come on, think about it, what did you imagine your marriage would be like?  Wake up from your dream and think about how it is now!  How did you get to this point of your marriage? Are finances stressing you out? Are your children’s schedule overwhelming, just getting them from place to place?  Do you have time with your spouse with no interruptions? Are you spending most of your time at work?  Is the time you spend with your spouse arguing? Can you discuss things with your spouse?

Lots of questions but really something to think about.  If these questions feel like they hit you right in the heart you need to rebuild your relationship with your spouse and get a fresh start again.  If you communicate with your spouse you might come up with GREAT solutions!  Never go into a discussion ready to unload and win because your attitude is all wrong. Another book I have recommended is by Florence Littauer is “Personality Plus For Couples-Understanding Yourself and the One You Love”.  This book will help you figure out your spouse’s personality and help you understand them a little more that is after you have found out your own personality first.

As I have already shared in my earlier blog, communication was very hard for me when Kirk and I got married.  If there was an issue I would shut down and not talk about it and let it all build up inside.  The first step for me to open the communication lines was to write a letter to Kirk.  I know, not the best way but it was a start for me.  I would write how I felt and then he would come to me and we could discuss it.  I wrote so many letters where I gave him a piece of my mind and then some and then look back and think what in the world was I thinking.  Sometimes even now writing it down is the best way to express myself although through the years I do not have trouble talking it out and sharing my thoughts.  When I wrote letters to Kirk I would start out with this awful letter chewing him up and down about things that I have built up inside.  Then I realize that he didn’t even have a clue that this was even an issue.  Then I would go back and rewrite the whole thing sharing the things I have built up that we probably could have fixed along the way if I only would have addressed it at that time.  It’s all in the way we present it.  Don’t go in ready to chew them up and spit them out.  Most of the time it will blow up in your face and only make things worse.

I am just curious, why do people feel like they have to be louder than the other person to get their point across?  Did they loose their hearing at some point?  This is one thing I can honestly say that Kirk and I have never done is raise our voice to each other.  Really, what does it prove?  One thing we teach our kids is RESPECT.  If we teach them respect then shouldn’t we lead by example?

How many of you know that you need to choose the best time to talk about certain situations to your spouse?  While your husband is getting ready to watch a football game is probably not the time or while your wife is getting ready to go shopping or cooking supper with pots, pans or even a knife in her hand, is probably not a good time. Just a little humor. :-) When you figure out the personality of your spouse you also need to figure out when to bring up major discussions.  I found that sometimes finding the right time, when they are ready to hear what you are going to say, is very difficult.  That is when the book “Power of a Praying Wife” helped me so much.  Sometimes we just need to pray for God to prepare our spouse to hear what we have to say.  I didn’t say, prepare our spouse to agree with what we have to say.  There is a difference.  God will prepare them and will even take care of the problem without even having to address it at times.  He is an awesome, incredible God.  Prayer is a powerful thing!

Below are notes from a Marriage Seminar Kirk and I spoke at.  Maybe it will be helpful in rebuilding your marriage.

First, you remember the good times. You do again what you did when you first fell in love. Then, you repent or deliberately change how you treat your spouse. But what are those actions that you “did at first”? Married people did five things when they first fell in love. And they’ll need to do it again if they are going to recapture that romance: attention, affirmation, affection, adventure, and accordance (spiritual oneness) they had when they first fell in love.


1.  ATTENTION: The very first sign that you were falling in love was when you noticed that someone was paying attention to you – and you started to pay attention to that someone. Do you remember how much attention you gave your spouse before you were married? You wrote notes. You made phone calls. You spent hours talking together. You sent cards. You bought flowers. You brought gifts. You said over and over again, “You have my total and undivided attention.”  What happens after you get married? Instead of saying, “I’ll get that for you,” we started saying, “Get it yourself!” We become complacent in our relationship and take one another for granted. But if you’re going to rekindle the romance, you’ve got to make time for each other and pay attention to each other. If you don’t, you’re headed for trouble. We have to keep a positive attitude in showing attention to each other.  Showing attention in a positive attitude has to be done by both you and your spouse. If you don’t show them attention then they will find it from others and this becomes very dangerous.

2. AFFIRMATION: The quickest way to put spark back into your marriage is to start focusing on your spouse’s strengths instead of their weaknesses.
Paul reminds us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Give encouragement to each other. Keep strengthening each other.”
Everybody wants to be admired, appreciated, and looked up to. We fall in love with people who admire us. 
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.  VERSE 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13

You’ve probably heard this before, but it’s so true. “Treat your husband like a king and he will treat you like a queen.” Very simple…yet profound. We tend to become what others expect of us. Verbalize your love for your spouse every day. If you will verbalize your love, you will begin to feel that love you once had.

3. AFFECTION: Remember how affectionate you and your spouse were during your dating/courting days? In fact, you can always tell who the unmarried couples are. They can’t keep their hands off each other. Unfortunately, after the wedding, the touching and tenderness stop in so many marriages. All marriages need large amounts of hugging, kissing, caressing, and other forms of non-sexual touch.

Ephesians 5:19 (Amplified) says, “Husbands … be affectionate!” It is a command. Husbands, if you’re not doing this, you’re sinning. Some say, “I’m just not naturally affectionate.” So what? Change! It’s not in your genes. You learned the behavior from your background. You can learn to be affectionate.

4.  ADVENTURE: Most marriages are dull. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with your wife.” I’ve read that the number one cause of affairs is boredom. Are you fun to live with? You had adventure when you were romancing your spouse. But you’ve probably lost that sense of adventure. Everything is predictable. Predictability kills a marriage. Unfortunately, most of us define fun as what you do after you’ve got all your work finished. But you never get all your work finished! The work is never done. Even after you retire, you still have got work to do. As a result, you don’t have any fun in your marriage – and you wonder why the feelings have died.  You need at least one date a week. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be at night. (Laura and I have ours on Friday mornings after we take the kids to school.) But regardless, do something you like to do together. And do it without the kids. Schedule it – every week – so you can’t back out when your schedule gets tight.

5. ACCORDANCE: (spiritual oneness): The key to fellowship with your mate is for both of you to live in God’s presence. When you and your wife are both committed to Christ and what he’s doing in the world, you’ll be naturally drawn together. Spiritual unity enhances romance.  Prayer joins you together. And then there is the natural desire to show physical affection, physical oneness, when you are spiritually one. God wants you to have oneness. Romance was God’s idea. The Bible says two shall become one – intellectually, emotionally, physically, recreationally, and spiritually. When you are only having oneness in three of those areas, your marriage isn’t fully what God wants it to be. But when you and your spouse connect in all five areas, that’s when you find real, honest oneness.

Do you and your spouse pray together? Do you do ministry together? Do you share what God is doing in your life with your spouse, and visa-versa? Make those things a part of your time together, and romance will return.

Servant’s Heart definition – Humility means – a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride

Wedding vows – Will you LOVE her/him? …….for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, til death do us part

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE

  1. List 5 ways you can better communicate with your spouse.
    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
  2. List 5 ways you would like your spouse to better communicate with you.
    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
  3. When is the hardest time for you to listen to your spouse?
  4. How would you rate your listening to the other (on a scale of 1 = “terrible” to 10= “fantastic”?   WHY?
  5. When was your last date night with your spouse? When is your next? (Put it on the calendar)

* When I started my blog I began from when Kirk and I got married and told the story of how God has brought us to where we are.  If you go back to the beginning of my blog you will see how God’s hand has guided us through good and bad times.  I also share in my blog how God brought my family through my battle with breast cancer.  To God be the Glory!

SCRIPTURE:
Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

 

 

FRIENDS PERSONALITIES January 14, 2011

Filed under: FRIENDS PERSONALITIES — laurawalters20 @ 10:40 am

Have you ever met someone and the first impression that you get is that they are snobby or not real friendly? Well, maybe that person’s personality was very shy and just came across as arrogant.   Once you get to know that person and their personality, you realize that your first impression was wrong.  True friendship is built on trust.  Do you agree?  You are not going to tell something personal to someone if you don’t trust them with that information.  Right?  There has to be trust and in order to have trust you have to build a RELATIONSHIP.  Spend time with others and build good, healthy relationships.  If you spend time getting to know them it will be less time to talk and gossip about others…..oops, that just came out.  Let’s move on!  If you understand your personality first and then figure out what type of personality your friend has then your friendship will grow even stronger and you can understand why your friend is the way they are.  It really opens your eyes to understanding and appreciating them even more.  A book that I recommend is “Personality Plus-How to Understand others by Understanding Yourself” by Florence Littauer.  This book will help you first understand yourself and then help you understand your friends’ personality.

As I grow older, I love meeting new people.  I like to guess their personality from the first impression and then get to know them and see if I was right.  Of course, that is not the only reason I like to meet new people!  I just love people!  Let’s think about this.  If everyone on earth were positive about everything, would we ever see any of the potential problems that lie ahead?  Well, what if every one was negative all the time?  Would we ever see any good in things?  When making important decisions do you hear just the good or do you like to hear the bad?  Or do you like to weigh out the good and bad?  I like to hear ALL the good and bad so when making decisions it helps come to the best conclusion possible.  That is why it is good to have different types of personalities around the table when making decisions.  Do you make decisions on your emotions……you are a tender hearted person?  Do you make decisions with your head…….it’s all business and by the books?  Your FRIENDS’ PERSONALITIES are unique and special just like yours!  Thank God that he didn’t make us all the same so we don’t see things the same way!  As you learn your friends’ personality you will respect them even more than you do now!  And your RELATIONSHIP grows even more!

* When I started my blog I began from when Kirk and I got married and told the story of how God has brought us to where we are.  If you go back to the beginning of my blog you will see how God’s hand has guided us through good and bad times.  I also share in my blog how God brought my family through my battle with breast cancer.  To God be the Glory!

SCRIPTURE:
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love.
Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:9-10

 

MY PERSONALITY January 13, 2011

Filed under: MY PERSONALITY — laurawalters20 @ 6:39 pm

One of the very first things in figuring out your personality is realizing what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Sometimes this is very painful to admit but be truthful with your self!

Growing up I was a very shy, quiet, reserve person.  I know that those of you that know me now can’t believe that!  In school I would not dare do anything to get in trouble.  Mainly because I didn’t want to face my parents when I got home but I was never bold enough to do anything I wasn’t suppose to.  When I was a teenager I began to come out of my shell a little bit and loved to joke and have fun.  Then as an adult I had greater responsibilities and started becoming even more outgoing.  Different situations in life challenges and makes you a stronger and bolder person.  Just being around people makes me realize, that all people do not think like me.  I am so glad because I am a very unique, opinionated person when it comes to things I am passionate about.  I have also realized just because I feel strongly about something I am passionate about does not mean that I am always right.  Okay, there I said it.  :-)  I have heard Kirk say so many times, “you can be sincere but you can be sincerely wrong.”  So true!  And that is why we are all uniquely made and have different personalities.  We all cannot be right!  Once I figured out my personality from the book that I mentioned in my earlier blog, “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer, things became a little bit easier to cope with.

I could not understand why I would get so upset over petty things.  Things that I should not have given a second thought about. I was a person that could not, would not, did not say NO.  If someone asked me to help with something I would be there.  I couldn’t understand why I was so overwhelmed with so much I had to do.  But the problem was me! I couldn’t say NO!  My personality was the type that loved to help when I saw a need.  Hmmm……but when do you realize that you can’t do everything, everyone ask you to do?  Figuring out my personality and prioritizing my life helped me so much.   How long did it take me to figure this out?  Well let’s just say I’m still learning as I go.  I know why older people are so much wiser……they’ve had lots of experience.  Once you have experienced a situation for yourself, you learn real fast what not to do or what to do next time.  LIFE is an interesting, unpredictable thing isn’t it? Finding out your personality type is extremely helpful. However, it will not be the solution to all of your problems.  There is one thing that always works—you can pray every day that God will guide you and mold you to be more like him! I am glad I have discovered my personality, but I am extremely thankful I have God as my guide!

* When I started my blog I began from when Kirk and I got married and told the story of how God has brought us to where we are.  If you go back to the beginning of my blog you will see how God’s hand has guided us through good and bad times.  I also share in my blog how God brought my family through my battle with breast cancer.  To God be the Glory!

 

SCRIPTURE:
When he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all the truth.
John 16:13

 

NEW YEAR 2011-Relationships January 12, 2011

Filed under: New Year 2011-Relationships — laurawalters20 @ 1:50 pm

As we start the New Year off in 2011, I feel that God is leading me to focus even more on RELATIONSHIPS with my husband, children & friends.  Of course keeping God at the top of the list!  If you have been keeping up with my blogs you can see that my family is a very important part of my LIFE.   Sometimes we can get so busy that we don’t spend the quality time that is needed with our family.  Just a few questions to think about…….How much time do we spend talking to our family about what happened that day?    Do we really know how our husband/wife, children, friends are feeling?  Do we find ourselves in disagreements with our family and friends over the little things?  Why do we react to situations the way we do?  WHAT really MATTERS the most to us?

Kirk and I have spoken at several Marriage Seminars and no matter what topic we speak on we find in our studying that the most important part of any relationship is COMMUNICATION.  There are so many different ways to communicate.  You have body language (please don’t act like you have no idea what I’m talking about…..I am sure there is a look you can give your husband/wife, children or friends and they know what that look means).  For example:  I know when Kirk is getting very frustrated, he clinches his jaws and the veins on the side of his face pulse in and out.  In communication women see things one way and men see things another way and so many times somewhere things get lost in translation.  You know, when we say it and it all comes out wrong.  It’s really getting on the same page and figuring out what page your marriage, family, friends are on and learning their PERSONALITIES.  One-way to figure out your family that helped my family was “Personality Plus-How to Understand others by Understanding Yourself” by Florence Littauer.  Another book that helped us with our kids’ personality was “Personality Plus for Parents”.  If you figure out what type personality you and your family have then it is easier to know how to handle certain situations.  Another book by Florence Littauer is “Personality Plus For Couples-Understanding Yourself and the One You Love”.    Did you see what both books said?  We have to understand ourselves. Do we really know WHY GOD MADE ME THIS WAY? Maybe, just maybe, if we figured out our own personality then we can understand how to handle situations that come our way in dealing with other people, including the ones we love the most.

It was very interesting reading these books finding out my children and husband’s personality and so far the books have been right on target as we grow older. The most interesting was when I understood my own personality it helped me understand why I react to situations and things that LIFE brings my way.  I thank God that he made me the way I am and no one is exactly like me.  I am a masterpiece that God is still working on!

You will see the words in bold print are some of the things I would like to blog about in my upcoming blogs:

PERSONALITIES

COMMUNICATION with friends, children & marriages

WHY GOD MADE ME THIS WAY?

RELATIONSHIPS-friendships & marriages

WHAT MATTERS?

* When I started my blog I began from when Kirk and I got married and told the story of how God has brought us to where we are.  If you go back to the beginning of my blog you will see how God’s hand has guided us through good and bad times.  I also share in my blog how God brought my family through my battle with breast cancer.  To God be the Glory!

SCRIPTURE:
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14

 

 
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